The Plan

I have been searching for myself lately. Amidst the chaos of our economy and of my own life, for a time I have found myself lost, or more precisely, at a loss, in my own life. These are confusing times. These are difficult times to navigate. These are difficult times in which to maintain one's focus. And these are certainly uncertain times during which it is occasionally very difficult to think clearly, especially when more and more, surviving even the day becomes the most pressing problem.

What is at risk in the process is our humanity, our dreams and our aspirations. Somewhere among paying the bills, keeping a roof over our heads, keeping gasoline in the car and making sure there is food on the table, doing those things which we most long to do, ceases to be a priority. We we are forced to do whatever it will take to survive the moment. I am no different than anyone else these days. Day to day, I am just trying to survive until the economy recovers. There is that awful sense that really significant parts of my life are simply shutting down. Life has become a bit darker and depressing.

Still, always on the tip of my tongue are the words, "And yet...." And yet, what? We pay a price when we fully abandon dreams. We pay a price when we just set aside our personal aspirations, in the face of a personal crisis. I fully believe that no matter how seriously chaotic or disruptive are the times in which we live, we still must never fully abandon or forget the shining hopes that inspired us to become more than we are today. It is that element of hope that enables us to keep going, no matter how bad things may get. It is that hope that allows us to rise above almost any situation and to somehow give hope to others or to continue to make a difference in the world.

I am, like everyone else, a unique person. I possess certain unique talents and I have the potential to touch the lives of other people in my own particular way. There is no guarantee that my partular personal attributes or my skill sets will enable me to make a comfortable living or make survival in these challenging times any easier. But, for me, individual survival is about much more than monetary considerations. No matter what, I need to sustain a healthy level of self-esteem, to retain the capacity to love others and be loved and to maintain a healthy sense of humor. I do not care how stressed out I become, I never want to lose the capacity to be compassionate and caring. I never want to lose that hope that someday I will realize at least some of the dreams I have for my life. Even if my life is difficult and limited today, I never want to lose that hope that in time, it will get better.

When life is bumpy, it is very easy to lose these qualities, amidst the struggle to simply survive. So at the end of a tough day, I try to remind myself to remember those qualities and hopes that make life bearable and worth living. At the top of my to do list, are reminders to tell my wife and my kids I love them and to go out of my way to help someone else. I am not being noble or particularly wonderful. In fact, I am doing something for myself. I am preserving my own humanity and bringing light and joy and happiness into my life. By doing that, I can partly dispel the darkness and cynicism that difficult times bring with them.

Well, I have made it to the end of yet one more day. I am still in one piece and I am not yet defeated. But tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow, at the end of the day, I may well have to remind myself yet one more time about never giving up and about being kind and compassionate to other people and all the other items I listed above. It may not be rocket science, but it works for me.